Tuesday, November 20, 2007
goodbye;
I mean most of the words from this song.. i hope u all enjoy it!! ;)
Welll im finally back in JB... wohoo!! and feeling bored... haizz... have already eaten the food that i was longing for.. been to the places i have been.... and.... played the sports i want to play... except badminton... =(. Well.. havent been typing in this blog lately cause of my stupid internet connection... so slow... sobz.. i wish i was back in KL downloading my songs, and shows .. haizz.....
Anywayz coming back to JB was also no fun cause... well.. my gf has broken up with me.... well.. at first i was alright and was happy about it cause i had some health problems that didnt want to burden her for the rest of her life which i never told her cause ... well... she was always busy and i didnt want to distract her from her studies.(Why did u all think i lost weight so fast...) To tell u all the truth... the reason i talked about the song "tomorrow never comes" that day was because i was in pain while i was typing and the song also played so... yeah.... Thats why i never told anyone... i know u all must be thinking what a stupid fool i am but u know... xin nee has always made my life a happy one and i always loved the way she will tell me what to do and what not to do.. she was my dream girl, the girl i always wanted, she was the one that guided me to be a gentleman, or in other words a better man.
But what did i do?? i was stupid enough to let her go and didnt call her, didnt notice that she needed me when she was alone.... i regretted everything that i did... i have been thinking ever since(u dont want to know how long i have been sleeping everyday)... why was i sooo stupid... i could have called her even though i was studying.... i should have talked to her or told her that i couldnt come back to JB because of the busy schedule i had... but hey... its too late now aint it... All i can do now is regret every single mistake that i made to lose her... maybe if i told my parents earlier.. things would have changed but noooooooo... i was such a pussy and never told them... i guess i was sooo selfish until i didnt notice how my gf was feeling.. guess thats what everybody faces in life aint it... being too selfish and too busy to realise that their partner needs them.. sometimes i think that is one of the reasons why relationship fails, they never care for their partner enough, in fact sometimes they might think what they are doing for is for their loved ones but what their partners actually need is the love and care and the constant closeness in a relationship especially in a long distance relationship. i did care for my gf, but always did the wrong caring and never realised it.. and now my chance is gone...nothing can heal me now. No other love can give me the same satisfaction as what she gave to me... and i know how my friend Alvin felt when we had this problem.... Its like you have found the ONE but u just let it slip away by doing stupid things... different case for him but its still connected in a way...
Eveytime i think about the past, the happy times we had together... i just miss her soo much and wished how i could have gone back in time to worship the ground that she walked on and loved her and cared for her more than ever before. How she pushed me to be matured and learn to think more carefully before i talked was what has brought me to be able to survive in KL. I was actually a shy person, a weak person until i met her... from then on, i always tried to impress her and like what she likes so that we had more stuff in common even though later on i found out that we really had lots of stuff in common... To tell you all the truth, i have never really talked to a girl until i met xin nee, i was really shy back then.. u can ask my high school friends if u dont believe, i always hanged out with the guys... LIke i said... she was the one that pushed me to be a better man .. but i guess... i should be blamed for not appreciating her enough and never loved her or thought how about her feelings.....
So anywayz..... to my dear xin nee:
i hope u will forgive me.... although i hope we can back together but its all up to you... i dont want to force u to love me.... IM REALLY sorry if i really hurt u or never thought about how u felt during the exam times... i never realised how lonely u were even though i knew u hate being alone......... im sooooo sorry.All i ever wanted to do is make u and keep u happy, Im willing to change just as long as ur happy.. sorry... anywayz.... i hope u have a great future and hopefully u get a better guy and live a great life and be sucessful in your career.. Thank you for all the things that you have done for me, and cared for me, i will always cherish it with all my heart and like i always said nothing i do will ever be enough to repay how much your love has done to me... dont think i ever will get any other girl.... cause i want to remember the times that we cherished forever.. and because of my health problem.. but anyways.. forget about that... good luck in ur exams and have a great life... keep on smiling .. be happy... my little tortoise and shine like the brightest star in the sky!!! I LOVE U FOREVER!!!!!!
"Friends will come and go in life
but the love for your loved ones will last forever in our hearts"
ilovedyou;
11:39 AM
11:39 AM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
goodbye;
me. my dear and me again.. :P the small boy was also jason
Studying was boring without her.... she studied while i looked.. :P
She is my dear , she is the love of my life, she is Tan Xin Nee, my girlfriend . I decided to write cause i remembered a certain promise that i will tell the whole world how much i love her and i guess... writing through this blog is one way that everybody might read it... :P .
To me , she is cute , beautiful , helpful , friendly and she is the one that i want to cherish sooooo much ... i miss her a lot and everyday i wonder how she is in Australia. You all must be wondering how sweet to write about her right? Well... im not sweet cause i broke a lot of promises even tho i promised that i wouldnt and i really regret those stuff that i did. i wish i could go back in time to fufill those promises but i guess in this world time travel is still in the minds of scientists and have not been set into stone. I still feel bad that i never went back to JB when she was back due to a busy schedule i had during that period and my parents came up every weekend, so i couldnt go back on weekends either. Haizz.. life sucks when things turn up to spoil the plans that u have planned for so long. I guess, there was a reason why life made things this way.... it was to test how we could last in a long distance relationship for a year and well... it helped me learn a lot and made me miss her lotzzz more and learn to cherish ur loved ones even more. I missed her so badly that everytime i listened to a song , it was always a love song and every where i looked... the person looked like her, and i always thought that only happened in cartoons. I have never felt sooo lonely before in my whole life even though i am an only child... Sometimes i just feel like crying on why i missed that chance to go back to JB but i cant...(male egoness) ....haha..
Anywayz.. i really miss those days with her... when i feel her warmth , her love, her assurance that she is there for me no matter wat, everytime i see those pics i have a lot of flashbacks nice and bad... made me reflect on my life on how i should change the wrongdoings that i have done through the relationship. It is never easy to remain faithful to our partner or even easy to maintain the relationship but if a person really loves his or her partner, everything is possible.....
Sometimes i ask myself questions whether i have ever cherished or showed much i love her enough .Like ronan keating's song "If tomorrow never comes" ... "if tomorrow comes, will she know how much i love her, did i try in everyway to show her everyday that she is my only one?" That song is beautiful by the way.. lol ..
Guess ill never know that answer unless she reads this blog la.. :P
Woah .. talking about de javu... the song is playing now.. out of my thousands of songs, its playing now.... let me sing to u... If tomooorroow never comes, will she know how much i love her... lol.. i know my singing is bad... the only way i can express... no choice..:P . To tell u all the truth, i have never loved someone sooooo much before( besides my parents) and its a very weird feeling.... my heart beats irregularly(wait... it could be heart problem.. lol) .. everytime i think about her.... and like as stated above everywhere i go , i see her... If thats not love then there must be something wrong with me... HELP!!! ...haha .Nah..dont think i want to lose that feeling.... sometimes it feels nice especially when ur alone....
oh well... love blinds the beholder as everyone says... the best thing out of all this is that i have not forgotten this quote or poem(not good at telling what it is) even tho i tend to forget a lot of things. The quote was written by her and as i quote
" if i had a single flower,
for everytime i think about u,
I could walk in my garden forever."
for everytime i think about u,
I could walk in my garden forever."
and i would never forget it cause im already walking in my garden and im going to walk with her through it forever..................
To my Dear Xin Nee,
Im sorry that i have wronged u and made u sad or angry or frustrated u with all my nonsense and my jealousy. My life has never been in such a mess since u left for Australia and i miss u alot. Im so lost without u, u guide me to who i want to be . Thank you for everything u have done or said or even standing by my side when i needed someone... All i can say is that I LOVE U!!! and u will always be a part of my heart forever no matter what happens.......
" Stars might be a thousands light years away from us,
but i will always have my beautiful star kept close in my heart"
but i will always have my beautiful star kept close in my heart"
ciao..Jason K signing off...
ilovedyou;
10:52 AM
10:52 AM
Saturday, November 03, 2007
goodbye;
THe 4 AmIgOS
KELVIN
Melissa and Sabrina
She was sitting behind me during exams
(From left to right) Adrian, e hsien (dont really know the spelling.. :P) , and poh shin having lunch after our first paper.....
(from left to right ) Alfred and seng yau
Adrian, Elaine, and Poh shin looking at their best for their presentation
Elaine.. sits next to me during accounts class...Finally one week of exams have passed and another wave of hell will be coming soon...... lol... i decided to rant today to release some exam stress.... wow.. amazing week... i can already see the white light at the end of the tunnel ..... Damn ...this year's paper is one of the hardest i have ever seen ... hopefully i did everything right... anywayz.. better forget about it and talk about my friends... As u can see... i posted some pics of my friends during the first week of exams.... amazing bunch of friends i might add... totally different personalities and different likings altogether.... but we still have some similarities that keeps us hanging out with each other.
Hmm... who to start first... hmm .. i shall start with melissa and sabrina... the two cuties... which were the first few girls that i befriended when i started my journey in MUFY KL... the duo are amazing and they are interesting to hang out with .. ( always talk about girls stuff.. lol ) and They are really friendly. Next will be kelvin.. he is GAY... i have been molested by him by the umph-teen time... had a big trauma and had to go to a psychologist to help me overcome it.. lol... well he is a good friend.. he might try to molest us once in a while but he is not gay. (HOPEFULLY). Alfred, football friend from Kuching, good in maths so normally ask him for help if its a really hard question and then comes e hsien... weirdest guy ever met .. dont really hang out with him.. talk nonsense. He tries to help but his ideas are not useful at all.. the only thing he is good at is when it comes to maths or comp science which is useful before the exam when u forgot something.. haha..
Now... for the 4 AmIGoS comprising of poh shin , seng yau , adrian and me.. but obviously u all know me .. so i dont have to explain much about myself do i? if u all dont know me .. im cute, lovable, funny, handsome, got the 5 C's , talented, handsome, can get any girl any time kind of guy.... lol( just kidding... it should be the opposite of those criteria then its correct) yes.. a sad person i am.. lol.. but still m happy with life i guess... :) Anywayz, lets talk about the rest, start off with poh shin.. super smart guy, really helpful when u need in studies.. loves talking about cars and anime... knows a lot of stuff about those kind of things and when u need computer knowledge, go to him he will fill in whatever u need to know. He and me always attack adrian as soon as adrian opens his mouth. Seng Yau a fellow friend that loves gothic music, japanese music that has super cool bass and drums smashing that wears girls costumes but are guys and animes that are guys but ALSO act as girls and wear girl costumes. Met him when i didnt have enough money for parking ticket and also we take the same subjects and almost have the same classes. Also a football buddy, in fact our goalkeeper (but doesnt really want to play goalkeeper) , the teacher that taught me how to play UTopia. ONe of my best friend. Well the 4 Amigos are my best friends.. :) Next will be Adrian AKA "HARRY KOK" pronounce it and u will understand the meaning........lol.. cause of his surname.. kok.. so thats how he got that name.. great friend.. great captain and leader ( we normally will be leaders ourselves and when we get blamed we ask them to blame our leader) . haha.. although nothing of that sort has happened yet, but its good to have a leader to get blamed..:P . He is the ones that always tries to get involve in every competition or any activity that MUFY has but sadly normally he is the only one that wants to go.. the rest of us will say no due to our busy schedule. He in the ends still manages to find people so lucky for him . Oh yah.. forgot all about elaine.. hmm.... nothing to say about her.. :P .. well she sits next to me in every accounting class.. must call her leng lui and she is helpful in accounts... she is also a repeater but is from A Levels and is a big flirt. Always flirting around.. lol... :)
Thats only a small portion of my friends but they are the ones that i normally hang out with. SO TO U GUYS AND GALS.. STUDY HARD AND LETS GET THROUGH THIS AND FINISH THIS RACE TOGETHER WITH STYLE.. :)
Anywayz.. think i should be getting back to my studies.. and i already got writter's block... might write again after the exams.. my head will be clearer then .. :)
TO ALL THAT HAS FINISHED THEIR EXAMS..... U SUCK!!! HAHA>>> just kidding.. what i meant to say was HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!
ilovedyou;
1:29 PM
1:29 PM
